Honestly...

I am in my 3rd week of half marathon training, I am also in the process of training my daughter Hope to go potty like a big girl. She will be 2 in the end of September and I am really proud of her progress!! I had been training her by leaving her diaper off and having the potty in our living room (thank God for hardwood floors.) She has been doing great for the past 2 weeks.  Today I have introduced "big girl" panties to her and she is thrilled!! She doesn't quite get the concept of pulling them down, but she does take them completely off and then I help her put them back on after she goes potty. Of course my husband and I made it a huge celebration this morning when she got it right the first time. :) That truely made my day, to just take a step back and enjoy small accomplishments.

As far as my training is going, well, this week has been harder than the last 2!! Honestly, I have had the hardest time waking up in the morning.  I know that if I want to stay consistent especially when I enter my marathon training I am going to have to BE WILLING to wake up in the morning.  Honestly, bedtime for my daughters is always a struggle and I fail most nights to stay firm and keep a schedule.  Honestly, I can't truly fall asleep until my hubby gets home from work (which is a little after 1 am.) Honestly, most nights there is a Hope in the middle of us who LOVES to sleep sideways.  HONESTLY bedtime makes me feel like a failure, because I can't get it right!! I'm so tired I tend to get frustrated and raise my voice.  What child would wanna go to sleep to that? When I do finally get to bed, I am flooded with thoughts of life, I try to plan out how my run will go, I'll put out my clothes, set my alarm and try my hardest to get to bed, the past couple of days I have failed to wake up.  On my first day of training for this week (Tuesday) I turned off my alarm and slept, missing out on that workout.  On Wednesday, my phone charger stopped working which caused my phone to die in the middle of the night.  I was thankful that my husband was willing to wake up with the girls while I got in a quick interval workout on a track nearby, but it was HOT!! Last night, I think Gracie finally fell asleep at 11:00. I then had to clean the kitchen, throw the trash, fold clothes and make sure my phone was charging (with my husband's charger.) When all that was done, I tried my hardest to fall asleep.  And then Hope comes in and is ready to take her spot on the bed!! My husband arrived home and we ended up talking for a while (which I really enjoy after being by myself for most of the day.)  I ended up taking my phone and trying to sleep on the couch, since I didn't wanna wake up my daughter Hope.  So I am gonna say it was about 2:30 when I laid down, I had intended to wake up at 5:30 so that I could make it to a mommy running group nearby (which I am really excited about.) Before I knew it, I woke up, except the sun was out, I looked at my time and it was 7:15!!!! My alarm must have went off, but I turned it off. :( 

SILLY FACE

I shared my frustration with my husband and again, he came to my rescue and agreed to wake up a bit earlier so that I could get in 3 miles in our neighborhood.  As I began running, I felt a lot of release, some of it was worry, frustration, stress.  Honestly, I ran the first mile of my run ANGRY.  I needed to, it is my way of release.  I cried a little and like always, God met me, He always does when I run.  I know that these small little problems/ setbacks, He is allowing to make me stronger.  To make me more aware of life.  To be thankful for the little things in life.  To allow my husband to help me.  To mold me into the mother, wife and daughter of the Most High that I am created to be.  He gave me a mantra today." A thankful heart finishes the race" and "press on" I said it over and over again in my last mile.  It spoke wonders to me. 

BIG SMILE

So this is just me being real.  I had decided that when I started this blog it was going to come with challenges and I was going to share them because sometimes, we must go through struggles, setbacks and pain to get to where we wanna be.  It will make us stronger, it will also allow us to be thankful when we reach our goals.  To look back and remember how far we have come.
After my run, I waked into my house and came into the noises of loud girly laughs and daddy growls and a very "jumpy" dog (She is a jack-chi.)  I instantly felt peace, a calm that only God can give and I know that today is gonna be a good day. It may not be perfect, I will have my struggles, bedtime is gonna be tough again. I will try harder, I will practice the grace and mercy that God gives me for my daughters.  I will try a little harder to get to bed earlier.  I will be thankful that I am alive and that I am surrounded by people who love me. Honestly, I know that I am stronger than these struggles and setbacks, I will not give up.

Week 2 Half Marathon Training completed!!

Okay so I just wanted to write a recap of how my week went.  It was better than last week, but I am still struggling with waking up in the morning.  I have gotten better at it.  Mentally, I think that is where the battle has been.  I know that God is really doing a work in my life through running.  He is changing thoughts that I have struggled with my whole life, one of which is finishing, following through, attaining a goal.  I have always had issues with that, and most of the time, I would feel defeated, and give up.  In High school, when I was in high school, I ran cross country and LOVED it, I had finally found some thing that I was good at, my parents were not really the type to go to races, which really made me feel bad, but later my father mentioned that he wanted me to do things for myself and not for others.  Anyways, I had talent, but lacked self confidence so when a freshman came in and seemed to be better than me, I gave up my junior year.  Another example was finishing high school, I entered my senior year with only 3 credits to finish, I decided to finish school early, move in with a friend, got our own apartment, only to miss too many days and ended up having to finish in the summer.  I didn't complete college, because I got pregnant with my first daughter, not married yet and since I was going to a Christian college, I assumed I wouldn't be able to finish. (which was not the case, they would have let me finish.  It's like I have a fear of finishing.  I haven't quite figured it out, but I do recognize it in my life as a cycle.  I thank God that He reveals these things to me and he is challenging me to break the cycle.  So when I mark out another week, there is this joy in my heart that overwhelms me.
This week, I was faced with an injury scare, I was faced with sleepless nights, I was faced with everyday challenges as a mother and wife.  I had some times in my day where I was attacked by the loneliness as a stay at home mom.  These are things that I go through every week.  I try every day to focus on positive thoughts, focus on the joy my daughters bring me on a daily basis. 

Here is what I had to do this last week:
Day1 30 min Tempo Run
Day 2 3 mile run
Day 3- 3 mile run
Day 4- 3 mile race pace
Day 5- 6 mile run

My first run was on Tuesday, I decided I would do an easy warmup for 10 minutes, then run as hard as I could for 10 mins, then cool down for 10 mins.  I was really surprised to see my fast pace in the middle was 8:01/mi. for 1.26 miles , that really encouraged me to know that I am getting faster!! :)  That was definitely a highlight of my week.  On wednesday I run with a group called back on my feet, and I am always looking foward to that run!! :)  Thurday was when I was feeling my foot hurt so I went on ahead and skipped my workout with plans to combine 2- 3 mile runs on Saturday.  Running with the awesome marathoner that I met on Saturday was a definite highlight as well, he really did motivate me. I was able to run 6 miles in less than 60 minutes with his coaching!!  My last run for the week was a very easy paced 6 mile run I did on sunday in my neighborhood, I use that last long run to relax and reflect on my week, listen to music and just get lost in my thoughts, which is nice every now and then.
The best memory this week was getting home from a run and seeing my daughter Gracie looking out the window.  I love that she was so excited to see me, and right away she knew what I had been doing.  Later on that day she said, "Mommy when I get older I wanna run a marathon like you."  It was so cute how she said it because marathon sounded like it would sound coming from a 3 year old, but it brought tears to my eyes, she may not really know what she meant, but it touched my heart that she sees mommy running, she sees mommy working hard, and she will see mommy run a marathon!! :)