Today is my Birthday

 I am 28 years old today.  I am very happy to say that at the age of 28, I feel better than I have ever felt before.  I am strong, healthy and happy.  My birthday really started off yesterday.  My church had a night of worship and prayer.  I sang to Jesus and reflected on the things I have been through in the past couple of years.  My heart was so full of thankfulness.  The past couple of years have been tough and there were days where I didn't know how I would get through the depression.  And here I am, stronger than ever.  I'm gonna be honest, I cried alot during the service, but it was happy tears.  Even in my darkest hours, God was there.  He carried me through those times.  He blessed me with great friends.  Friends that have been there for me during those times.  Friends that encouraged me and prayed for me along the way. I have a very thankful heart. I feel so blessed today.  May I never forget the what He has brought me out of. May my heart always remember and share His power in my life.
This morning when my girls jumped on our bed as they always do, My husband told the girls that it was my birthday, they both sang Happy Birthday to me, then Gracie decided she wanted to sing a running song to me!! LOL it makes me so happy to know that my 3 year old knows my passion for running. I pray that I can inspire my daughters to pursue their dreams in life with  passion, determination and diligence.

On Saturday, I ran 13 miles for the very first time. I ran with Back on my Feet.  I had ran 10 miles the past couple of Saturdays and was anxious to run longer to see how I would do.  We ran a practice course run for the Allstate 13.1.  I felt really good up until the 11th mile.  I was running with a fellow Back on my Feet teammate and he really helped coach me through the last miles.  I even had a little bit of strength at the end to finish strong!! I finished my 13 mile run in 2:25.  I have 2 weeks until the half marathon!! I am very excited to finish my training plan.  I have one more set of interval training and a couple more runs to go until race day. 
So I have some exciting news!! For my birthday I was able to sign up for my very first marathon!!! I chose to run the Country Music Marathon in Nashville Tennessee (Rock-n-Roll Series) on April 27, 2013.  I decided on this marathon because I wanted my first marathon to be fun!! This marathon has live bands along the course, it is followed by a free concert in the evening and  Moms Run this Town have a $10 off discount as well.  I have friends that live there and have opened up their homes to my family so that I can go and train on the course. My friend Kradan will also be able to go and cheer me on.  So I took the leap of faith and signed up!! I was so scared to press the button that confirms payment.  I stared at the page for about an hour, texted my husband to see if he really thought I could do this.  He wrote back with words of encouragement... and CLICK, it was done!! I even took a pic:

I can't explain the excitement I got when I saw this.  I cried tears of joy because it was a moment of God's promise coming to reality!! I WILL run a marathon!!   To be able to know that I am working hard toward this dream that I had in high school is so empowering!! A year ago, I remember talking to my best friend Tasha about wanting to start running again and now here I am doing it!! I know it is going to take dedication to wake up early in the morning for long runs. but I am so ready to do it.  I'm so ready to take on this new chapter of my life.  I have an awesome husband, amazing friends and family who love, support and believe in me. So here is to a new year!!!

Meaningful Miles 5k and Hills

Saturday was a very special day for Back on My Feet Atlanta.  We hosted our very first 5k with one mile honoring each of our partner facilities/teams—a Trinity Mile, a Gateway Mile and a Salvation Army Mile.
I couldnt help to get a little emotional as we circled up.  The whole atmosphere and energy at the race was so amazing!! The weather was perfect as well.  I really didnt have any set goals for this 5k.  I have been trying to stop putting so much pressure on my times, but rather just enjoying the run.  I understand now, that this journey is going to take time, that I will not run my fastest half or marathon the very first time and by accepting that, it has relieved alot of pressure.  I had done a practice run with the group a couple of weeks ago, we did it twice so going into the race I was already familiar with what I was going to face: HILLS!! Oh the lovely Atlanta hills that I WILL learn to LOVE!! There was one hill right at the beginning.  It was tough, I tried not to go to fast up but stayed relaxed, didn't wanna drain my energy on that one hill, I started getting into a comfortable pace and relaxed, looked around, took it all in.  There I asked God to run with me, I didn't want to start feeling pressure, or let my negative thoughts interfere with this race.  Instead I wanted to be joyful, I wanted to run my own race, I wanted to be thankful for this amazing opportunity I had been given to run with this amazing group of people.  Then the other hill, which I was dreading, this time I never looked up directly at the hill, I had a hat on and looked at my feet and the road ahead, I just kept on going, even though I knew the hill was there, I refused to focus on it, instead I took one step at a time, and felt really strong, God immediately used this hill to teach me about faith, about trusting in Him, about my life and how many hills I just had to run up even though I had no idea how hard or long these hills of life would be and how faithful He was in these times in my life.
It's amazing how God can lovingly take the time to show me in running something more about Him. He shows himself in a place where I  hold so much passion in and reveals Himself in a way that my mind and heart can understand.  There, I received his peace. I told every police directing traffic good morning, I looked up at the sky, I listened to others conversations, I saw a really nice running skirt another runner was wearing. Mentally, I felt strong, I told myself that I have been working hard, I've done my speed workouts, I've been consistent.  This would be a good race.  I even had a little bit of "umph" at the end (even though I felt my abs hurting, I need to work on them more.)  When I got to the end and saw the time, I was so happy.  I thanked God, I smiled and just took in the whole experience.  I know it was just a 5k race, but to me it was so much more.  I ran my personal best, even with all those hills, 26:44 (about 20 seconds away from the only recorded 5k time I have from high school.)  I also placed 2nd in my age division and got a bouquet of lollipops I'm sure my girls will love. :)

Post race sweat and glory with Tiffany

After receiving my 2nd place bouquet

In my last post I wrote about how I had been feeling discouraged and fearful about the marathon and injury.  I had heard that this marathon that I wanna run in March next year is very challenging.  But God showed me, in only a way that He can that the hills in life that I have faced have given me strength, and that the hills in races would be a revelation of the strength I have within.  I am still in awe of His love and promises toward me.  Now, there is nothing in me that fears the marathon, in fact, I am starting to discover a driven women who accepts challenges with confidence. As far as injury goes, I found out that after counting my miles since March that I had already reached about 360 miles in my trusty Brooks Adrenaline GTS 12's, It will already be 6 months in a week since I have had them, so all I need to do is get a new pair of running shoes!! I have a pair of Brooks Green Silence racing flats, I am using for now, but I will definitely need to get a new pair of shoes soon as my long runs are going to start getting longer.  So I am so thankful that I figured that out!! :)

After I finished the race and cooled down, I saw a mother and father with a double jogging stroller, I had  that uncomfortable feeling knowing that there were twins in the stroller, my first reaction was to look away, I always get emotional when I see twins, but this time, I looked and smiled at them, I know this may seem like a very small moment in my day, but it was truly a moment of healing for me. God placed them in my path right after the race so that I could accept the strength I felt while running, because everything in me wanted to shut down, but I didn't, I just smiled and  I knew that my God was taking care of my twins and that one day I would see and hold them. I am so thankful that God helped me through the pain and what seemed to be a HUGE mountain of emotions when I lost them and now I am stronger and at peace. What are some hills/mountains in life that you have been through or are going through, do you see your strength in them?  I encourage you to take the time to let God reveal to you how strong you really are and how faithful He really is. 

Into Week 4 Half Marathon Training

I finished week 3!!! Which was really a hard week for me, I failed to wake up in the morning most of the week.  So I made a goal to do things differently this week.
1.  Get the girls on a better schedule (Thanks to a very sweet friend who gave me great advice after reading my last blog, you know who you are!)
2.  Get to bed at a decent time!! (even though the Olympics have caused me to stay up!!! But hey it only happens once every 4 years.)
3.  This is the big one... silly I never thought of it before:  PUT MY ALARM AWAY FROM MY BED!!!!!
I giggle a little when I write this because, if someone where to record me jumping off of my bed and trying to remember how to turn it off every morning, it would be hilarious!!!!

So far this has been working great!! I am starting to get excited cause the long runs are getting longer!! I LOVE long runs and am really looking foward to them, especially since I get to do them with  Back on My Feet.  When I started running again, a friend of my husband's, Barry,(who is pretty awesome)  introduced me to this group and I have been a part of it since then.  I absolutely love what they stand for and believe in their mission statement.  If you have never heard about them check out their website: http://atlanta.backonmyfeet.org/atlanta-landing.html 

Back on My Feet Atlanta on National Running Day

Anyways, I run with the group on Wednesdays and Saturdays and will be running my very first half marathon on their team which makes it even more special for me.  I have been inspired, pushed and encouraged by the group. Being able to run alongside others who have rediscovered their strength and potential though running has been a wonderful experience. 

So here is a recap of what I did for the 3rd week:  This was an easy week as I only had 4 workouts to do (this was the week I was to do a 5k) I didnt end up actually racing one and decided to do a long run instead.
Day 1: Interval Workout 6X400
Day 2 3 mile run
Day 3 3.5 mile
Day 4: 6 mile run with BOMF

I really feel like I have gotten over a mountain in my mind.  My goals are a lot more clearer and I feel stronger physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I am so thankful for the support that I have received from friends and family.  It makes the early morning runs easier to know that there are people out there who believe that I will accomplish the goal that God has placed in my heart. On Friday, I decided to reconnect with a dear friend of mine and watch an 80's cover band and just enjoy a night out. I went there knowing that it would be a place where there were gonna be people smoking.  I had a great time, the cover band was awesome, the company was great, and I didn't smoke!! I didn't even have a desire to smoke!!! YES!!! :)  Thank you Lord!! Now to get my precious girls to bed.

Hope, Gracie and Kona

Honestly...

I am in my 3rd week of half marathon training, I am also in the process of training my daughter Hope to go potty like a big girl. She will be 2 in the end of September and I am really proud of her progress!! I had been training her by leaving her diaper off and having the potty in our living room (thank God for hardwood floors.) She has been doing great for the past 2 weeks.  Today I have introduced "big girl" panties to her and she is thrilled!! She doesn't quite get the concept of pulling them down, but she does take them completely off and then I help her put them back on after she goes potty. Of course my husband and I made it a huge celebration this morning when she got it right the first time. :) That truely made my day, to just take a step back and enjoy small accomplishments.

As far as my training is going, well, this week has been harder than the last 2!! Honestly, I have had the hardest time waking up in the morning.  I know that if I want to stay consistent especially when I enter my marathon training I am going to have to BE WILLING to wake up in the morning.  Honestly, bedtime for my daughters is always a struggle and I fail most nights to stay firm and keep a schedule.  Honestly, I can't truly fall asleep until my hubby gets home from work (which is a little after 1 am.) Honestly, most nights there is a Hope in the middle of us who LOVES to sleep sideways.  HONESTLY bedtime makes me feel like a failure, because I can't get it right!! I'm so tired I tend to get frustrated and raise my voice.  What child would wanna go to sleep to that? When I do finally get to bed, I am flooded with thoughts of life, I try to plan out how my run will go, I'll put out my clothes, set my alarm and try my hardest to get to bed, the past couple of days I have failed to wake up.  On my first day of training for this week (Tuesday) I turned off my alarm and slept, missing out on that workout.  On Wednesday, my phone charger stopped working which caused my phone to die in the middle of the night.  I was thankful that my husband was willing to wake up with the girls while I got in a quick interval workout on a track nearby, but it was HOT!! Last night, I think Gracie finally fell asleep at 11:00. I then had to clean the kitchen, throw the trash, fold clothes and make sure my phone was charging (with my husband's charger.) When all that was done, I tried my hardest to fall asleep.  And then Hope comes in and is ready to take her spot on the bed!! My husband arrived home and we ended up talking for a while (which I really enjoy after being by myself for most of the day.)  I ended up taking my phone and trying to sleep on the couch, since I didn't wanna wake up my daughter Hope.  So I am gonna say it was about 2:30 when I laid down, I had intended to wake up at 5:30 so that I could make it to a mommy running group nearby (which I am really excited about.) Before I knew it, I woke up, except the sun was out, I looked at my time and it was 7:15!!!! My alarm must have went off, but I turned it off. :( 

SILLY FACE

I shared my frustration with my husband and again, he came to my rescue and agreed to wake up a bit earlier so that I could get in 3 miles in our neighborhood.  As I began running, I felt a lot of release, some of it was worry, frustration, stress.  Honestly, I ran the first mile of my run ANGRY.  I needed to, it is my way of release.  I cried a little and like always, God met me, He always does when I run.  I know that these small little problems/ setbacks, He is allowing to make me stronger.  To make me more aware of life.  To be thankful for the little things in life.  To allow my husband to help me.  To mold me into the mother, wife and daughter of the Most High that I am created to be.  He gave me a mantra today." A thankful heart finishes the race" and "press on" I said it over and over again in my last mile.  It spoke wonders to me. 

BIG SMILE

So this is just me being real.  I had decided that when I started this blog it was going to come with challenges and I was going to share them because sometimes, we must go through struggles, setbacks and pain to get to where we wanna be.  It will make us stronger, it will also allow us to be thankful when we reach our goals.  To look back and remember how far we have come.
After my run, I waked into my house and came into the noises of loud girly laughs and daddy growls and a very "jumpy" dog (She is a jack-chi.)  I instantly felt peace, a calm that only God can give and I know that today is gonna be a good day. It may not be perfect, I will have my struggles, bedtime is gonna be tough again. I will try harder, I will practice the grace and mercy that God gives me for my daughters.  I will try a little harder to get to bed earlier.  I will be thankful that I am alive and that I am surrounded by people who love me. Honestly, I know that I am stronger than these struggles and setbacks, I will not give up.

Week 2 Half Marathon Training completed!!

Okay so I just wanted to write a recap of how my week went.  It was better than last week, but I am still struggling with waking up in the morning.  I have gotten better at it.  Mentally, I think that is where the battle has been.  I know that God is really doing a work in my life through running.  He is changing thoughts that I have struggled with my whole life, one of which is finishing, following through, attaining a goal.  I have always had issues with that, and most of the time, I would feel defeated, and give up.  In High school, when I was in high school, I ran cross country and LOVED it, I had finally found some thing that I was good at, my parents were not really the type to go to races, which really made me feel bad, but later my father mentioned that he wanted me to do things for myself and not for others.  Anyways, I had talent, but lacked self confidence so when a freshman came in and seemed to be better than me, I gave up my junior year.  Another example was finishing high school, I entered my senior year with only 3 credits to finish, I decided to finish school early, move in with a friend, got our own apartment, only to miss too many days and ended up having to finish in the summer.  I didn't complete college, because I got pregnant with my first daughter, not married yet and since I was going to a Christian college, I assumed I wouldn't be able to finish. (which was not the case, they would have let me finish.  It's like I have a fear of finishing.  I haven't quite figured it out, but I do recognize it in my life as a cycle.  I thank God that He reveals these things to me and he is challenging me to break the cycle.  So when I mark out another week, there is this joy in my heart that overwhelms me.
This week, I was faced with an injury scare, I was faced with sleepless nights, I was faced with everyday challenges as a mother and wife.  I had some times in my day where I was attacked by the loneliness as a stay at home mom.  These are things that I go through every week.  I try every day to focus on positive thoughts, focus on the joy my daughters bring me on a daily basis. 

Here is what I had to do this last week:
Day1 30 min Tempo Run
Day 2 3 mile run
Day 3- 3 mile run
Day 4- 3 mile race pace
Day 5- 6 mile run

My first run was on Tuesday, I decided I would do an easy warmup for 10 minutes, then run as hard as I could for 10 mins, then cool down for 10 mins.  I was really surprised to see my fast pace in the middle was 8:01/mi. for 1.26 miles , that really encouraged me to know that I am getting faster!! :)  That was definitely a highlight of my week.  On wednesday I run with a group called back on my feet, and I am always looking foward to that run!! :)  Thurday was when I was feeling my foot hurt so I went on ahead and skipped my workout with plans to combine 2- 3 mile runs on Saturday.  Running with the awesome marathoner that I met on Saturday was a definite highlight as well, he really did motivate me. I was able to run 6 miles in less than 60 minutes with his coaching!!  My last run for the week was a very easy paced 6 mile run I did on sunday in my neighborhood, I use that last long run to relax and reflect on my week, listen to music and just get lost in my thoughts, which is nice every now and then.
The best memory this week was getting home from a run and seeing my daughter Gracie looking out the window.  I love that she was so excited to see me, and right away she knew what I had been doing.  Later on that day she said, "Mommy when I get older I wanna run a marathon like you."  It was so cute how she said it because marathon sounded like it would sound coming from a 3 year old, but it brought tears to my eyes, she may not really know what she meant, but it touched my heart that she sees mommy running, she sees mommy working hard, and she will see mommy run a marathon!! :)

Friday Slump... my foot hurts

BLAH!!! I don't know what is up with my right foot, but I think something happened to it.  The pain is along the big toe and goes up into my leg.  It's a little swollen at the top, I've been icing and heating it, not sure what it is.  Trying really hard not to feel discouraged and hold on to His promise.  I know that not all things come easy and when I started this journey it was gonna take hard work and discipline.  I also know that through running I have been able to discover and rediscover who I am, what my weaknesses are and how to make these areas stronger.  My weakness is in the mind and what better sport to have my heart in than long distance running!! With that said, this small hurt I feel in my foot has caused my to feel pretty down.  What if it is broken?? Am I willing to stop running for a bit to let it heal? It's been 2 days since I have run and THAT has made me feel even worse.  I watched a Ryan Hall interview where he was talking about his new book about spiritual coaching.  I kept on remembering how he mentioned that he had to realize that his joy was not in running, in getting gold, in fame.  It was in the LORD!! I am trying very hard to focus on that.  Running is not what makes me happy, having a relationship with Jesus is what should make me happy.  Remembering ALL he has brought me through, and knowing that He loved me enough to die for me.  That is my joy!! If running stopped today, my life would not be over.  I have a beautiful family, wonderful friends who love me and a BIG GOD who has great things in store for me.  I KNOW that He promised that I would fulfill the dream I have to run a marathon.  I believe it.  But I also know that this journey is and will be for His glory and not mine.  If He didn't drop me to my knees on my treadmill in February I would still be caught up in cigarette smoking.  I know that this journey to a marathon is part of His healing for my life.  I have come too far to give up, so I am choosing to stay positive and believe in His promise. 
I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't have all together, I never will, the Lord is my strength and I NEED to keep my eyes focused on Him.

I am hoping that I can get in a run tomorrow morning, a nice easy 6 mile run... gonna stay off it today and care for it.  I'm so thankful for a husband who let me nap until the afternoon (I needed to rest.)  This is just the beginning. I know it!! Here is the interview I mentioned, Ryan Hall being interviewed on CNN. :)

http://youtu.be/lR6GkNoHd-I

Click on this link Above to watch it

Before and After pics...Reflecting on Life

So here are some pics of me that I put together.  It was really fun to put these pics together and see the progress, but it also has caused me to reflect.  The first pic brought tears to me eyes, this pic was taken in Dec. 2010, I remember how terrible I felt at that point in my life, what should have been a very joyous time giving birth to my 2nd child 3 months before had left me feeling like I was literally in a deep dark pit that I could not get out of.  Postpartum depression had gotten a very strong hold on me, I missed my twins and mentally could not get over the fact that I had given birth to just one child... Emotionally I was a MESS!! I HAD a responsibility to nurture and care for my 2 daughters but had to fight to wake up in the morning everyday.  This was a very hard time in my life and I hung on to any positive word, smile, comment on fb... ANYTHING to keep me going.  I remember looking at myself in the mirror and not recognizing the person that I saw...my eyes looked empty and I struggled to see what God saw.  I am so thankful for a loving husband who held me on the nights when it hurt so much all I could do was cry, who encouraged me daily with kind words, and reminded me that I WAS a good mother and wife.  He motivated me on the days when I didn't want to live anymore... yes, it was that bad!!! He also helped challenge me to start making a change, together, though, it was small, baby steps.  That is why we took this pic of me.  I think at that time I was around 175lbs, we had got a Wii and purchased the WII FIT, i could not really do any of the workouts, but I tried. My abs were like JELLO!
The second pic was in July 2011, last year... I was eating better, going to the gym and doing a Jillian Micheals 30 Day shred DVD workout, running every now and then and also using my treadmill when I could.  I know that I was in a better place and had gained a bit of self confidence just from looking at the pictures that we had been taking month after month. I also began to reach out to other women and share my struggles, there I gained much needed advice, friendship and motivation even though I was very afraid of sharing my pain.
The last picture was just recently taken on vacation in July 2012.  It has been 4 months since I started running and I am very happy to see how my body is changing doing something I LOVE!!! I am starting to tone and see muscle!!! It's been a LONG time since I have seen muscle!! I am now a healthy 138lbs.
I really am humbled today.  Life the past couple of years has been tough but I kept on going, even if it was just getting up and brushing my teeth.  Little by little, I started to feel alive again. Little by little, I started to want to live again.  God walked and sometimes carried me through the depression.  It was not an easy journey and it is still a journey that I am on, but I know now that I am STRONGER because of it!!! I know now that I am CAPABLE!!! That if I choose everyday to do something that will better my well being, it WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.  Small daily decisions and actions do add up and I am a testimony of that!! Losing weight was NOT EASY for me, it was a struggle everyday!! If you are in that place, Keep GOING, IT WILL GET BETTER!!!