Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Beginnings of a mommy runner...

So I am 27 years old, married for 4 years in November. I have to be honest when I write 27 I cringe a little. Not that I am ashamed with my age, it’s not that at all. The past couple of years happened so quickly that I feel like I may have fully missed out on them.  Life has been, well, a roller coaster for me and my family. My hubby and I got married during college in 2008. We lost a baby in 2007 before we got married and so when Gracie was conceived we were thrilled, but still not married. When I was about 6 months we took the dive into the unknown...Marriage!! The beginning stages in my pregnancy with Gracie were very scary as I had a couple of hospital visits, she made it and changed our lives FOREVER!! When Gracie was about 6 months, we decided to move from Arkansas to Atlanta, GA. It was probably not the smartest move but we were young and wanted adventure. A couple of months later, I became pregnant AGAIN, this time with TWINS!! When I was about 8 weeks, I found out there were 2 little ones in my womb, a week later… I lost them. You could imagine how devastated we were having to call everyone we called a week before to tell them what had happened. The worst feeling was feeling like sleeping my life away when I still had a baby girl who still needed her mommy. Well about a month and a half later… GUESS WHAT???!!! I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN!!!! This time we really didn't expect it, but it was confirmed that there was a little one growing in my belly. This time I didn't even want to move, I feared losing this baby, but thankfully my baby made it, we named her HOPE and she has truly been hope to our family. With all that said, mommy hood, has been very tough on me.  Loneliness, seclusion, striving to be and do your best everyday and feeling like a failure...  it felt like THIS was my life, like God had nothing else for me, and in a way I was okay with that, but it left me feeling very empty. When I was younger I had dreams, and for some reason in my small little mind I had decided that it was too late. But God, being so faithful, intervened in a very powerful way 4 months ago. I am 5’3 and after I had Hope, I was at my heaviest of 180. I physically could not recognize myself. Before babies I was about 125-130 and a runner. Fear had taken over my life. I felt like I could not move, like life had stopped for me. Depression had taken over. Little by little God started to remind me of how great it used to feel to run. I played with the thought, but then it changed, it became a dream, a fantasy. It never crossed my mind that I could get back to where I was before. After all, I was a closet cigarette smoker who had accepted the fact that I would always be a cigarette smoker because it was the only thing that helped calm my nerves… In February of this year, I was on my treadmill, processing my thoughts, mostly complaining to God about how terrible I feel and how terrible my life is and so on and so forth, I had even started to ask myself why I even get on this treadmill, nothing will become of it… silly me to think I used to believe I could run a marathon one day… To my amazement, God met me there on that treadmill while trying to do a short interval training session. He took my back to a track meet in high school. freshman year, It was our District meet and I ran the JV 3200, the memory of it was so clear I could smell the freshly cut grass, I remember seeing my coach close to the finish line and then another teacher of mine at another part of the track, they were both reminding me of my breathing and my pace and encouraging me, telling me that if I just kept on going I would win this race. There words were so encouraging that I ended up not only winning but lapping some of the girls. At this time I was not running on my treadmill anymore, I was on my knees on my treadmill crying, God reminded me that He was there when I won that race, He reminded me that the passion, the dream, the fire I once had was put into my heart by Him!!! The feeling of racing had overwhelmed me, and instantly I wanted that again!!! So as I stood on my knees, red faced, God made a really great deal with me, all I had to do was FINALLY STOP SMOKING and He would give me my dream of running a marathon… So on March 5, I stopped smoking and started running. I haven't touched a cigarette!!! I have been able to run 10 miles once on the 3 month anniversary and then last week. My 5k time has improved tremendously and I am now beginning to train for my first half marathon in October!!! I am hoping that this blog will encourage others on a similar journey, I hope to meet other mommy runners out there, but I also hope to inspire others out there as well. Losing a baby is not easy and most times, people really don't know what to say or how to heal, so we just tuck in in and try our hardest to forget about it which in turn leaves us feeling… well dead. I hope to met others who have suffered miscarriage, stillborn, and help you walk or run through it!! For me, running has been so therapeutic in this area. Any mommies trying to get your “sexy" back and need support, I would love to connect and encourage!! I am now down to 138 from 180 and LOVE what running has done to my body physically. Running truly has revived me in many ways and I would love to inspire others on this journey as well. GOD IS GOOD and I am so thankful that I am running again!! It has given me much needed ME TIME, helps keep my life in perspective as I’m able to sort out my thoughts while running and I get to rediscover this strong women within me. So this is just the beginnings of a mommy runner, Life has been tough but I have became TOUGH because of life, so I’m gonna keep on running.
Goal: Marathon in the Spring 2013!! Here we GO!!

2 comments:

  1. You are beautiful, your girls are beautiful, and your testimony is BEAUTIFUL! I am near Atlanta---hope to meet you as you train for and accomplish your goals!

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