Tuesday, May 22, 2018

How to start this

Do you ever have a feeling, an inkling that something great is going to happen  or maybe something bad... a premonition. A vision of things to come but not knowing how to grasp it, hold it tightly in your hand so that you can feel it become real.  A longing for a feeling or a person you left behind.

The past few years have been tough.  I sit here reading this blog, visiting my old you tube channel, looking back at pictures and am amazed at the person I once was.  Where is she? Where did she go? Will she ever come back? Will I never feel that passion ever again.  Do I even deserve it? Man, I had it all figured out back then, life was great.  What happened?


You weren't strong enough to keep on going, you made a huge mess, and now you are back to square one... or even lower than that.

Regrets, reflection, deep thought, so many tears, failures, broken hearts, and a clouded unclear mind. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe.  All this weight of my life crashing down on me and I'm all alone.   All I have is me, and that is definitely not enough.  I can't even look at myself in the mirror without a feeling of failure.

BUT there hasn't been a week in the last 5 years that I stopped thinking of lacing up and putting one leg in front of the other, the peace, the joy that came with that.

I can't help to think about my daughters and their names that I felt led to call them.  Grace, Hope and Faith.  Such sweet words, with powerful meanings.  I'm going to hold onto that.  Because even if I don't feel those 3 powerful words at the moment,  they are in my life each and everyday.  I'm holding on to that because I have nothing else in me to hold onto.  I've never been so broken in my life as I am now.

I think that its time.  I've suffered enough.  I need to stop punishing myself and get on with it. A new season, I want to run again. I want to try one more time. I'm tired of feeling so defeated. I don't even know where to start, so this will have to do.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Setting Goals and Making Plans!!

Well I am 37 weeks pregnant today, I am almost at the finish line.  I have spent alot of my time lately reflecting on this time, this pregnancy has seriously went by so quickly.  I am very proud of myself for running through this pregnancy. I made it to 34 weeks pregnant run/walking around 25 miles or more a week. I am not going to lie... I miss it!! BUT I know that resting my body for the next couple of weeks is so worth it.
With that said this is my monthly mileage since I became pregnant:
April: 121
May: 39
June: 65
July: 80
August: 65
September: 111
October: 42

The plan was to hit 1000 miles for the year.  I have 759.  It doesn't look like I will hit that goal, but I am proud of all the miles I ran/walked.

After the Allstate 13.1 (31 weeks pregnant) I decided I wanted to let my body completely rest for the past couple of weeks, I plan on walking a mile a day with my girls until baby is born.  I am really just listening to my body at this point.  It's so crazy to think that I will have an infant in less than a month!! I am not very nervous this time around.  I am, however, very anxious to see how it will be when I start back up running and breastfeeding, which I have never done before.  Of course, hubby and I have had conversations and the plan is to run for a hour after an early morning feeding (mornings just work better for me.) I know that it will be easier said than done. I know that sleep will sound much better than getting dressed and lacing up... SO  Guess WHAT I DID??!!!

I SIGNED UP FOR MY NEXT FULL MARATHON for some much needed MOTIVATION!!!  I know it's a year away, but I can't tell you how great if feels already to know that I have a goal set. 

I think it was very important for me to have a plan and a goal set even before I have baby Faith because I had really bad post partum depression with Hope. I wanted to give myself plenty of time to get back into the groove of things and not feel pressured but truly enjoy this next part of my running journey.... I can't help to think that this is just the beginning.  I conquered a marathon at 8 weeks pregnant!! This in itself was healing for me, I let go of fear and embraced FAITH!!  I will never forget the feeling I got when I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before the marathon, everything in me wanted to curl up in a ball and stay still until I gave birth.... I cried out to God, WHY??? I just didn't understand how He would allow me to chase a dream I gave my all to and have Him take it away... how could I run 26.2 miles with a baby in my womb... I lost my twins at 9/10 weeks!!!! All I every heard from my sweet God was "BE BRAVE."  So I continued to train and ran that marathon.  It was not easy, I didn't feel the best on race day, I hit the wall at mile 20, my Garmin malfunctioned due to the rain (IT RAINED THE WHOLE TIME)  I had negative splits and a super good time on my last 20 mile run... and THAT was not happening on race day BUT I DID IT.  I completed it.  His promise was fulfilled in my life.  And with that I KNEW I was different, I wasn't gonna be scared anymore, I was gonna continue what I love to do, I was gonna keep on running. This pregnancy has been such a great experience!!! 

SO NOW WHAT??? We rest, wait and plan... 

I have already signed up and committed to training for 26.2 miles in Savannah, GA (Nov. 2014) and hope to get back into coaching with Erin.  I'm researching a good core/strength  regimen, preparing an easy meal plan and staying POSITIVE!!! I am a stay at home mommy.  The majority of my life for the next year will be in my home with my girls, so the most important thing is staying positive and having accountability, that is where this blog comes in.  I plan to make this weight loss/getting body back as public as possible... I want you all to be a part of this and I want to encourage other mommies.  It took me over 2 years to loose the baby weight with Hope due to lack of motivation and support.  So here it goes.  

Here are a couple of pics that I decided to share from 2010-11 and a recent one from this pregnancy... Stay turned!!

Hope's Baby Shower 2010 (35 weeks pregnant)

April 2011 (7 months pp) 

Faith's Baby Shower (32 weeks)

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

October 2013 MRTT Baby Shower/Allstate 13.1

One more post and I will be caught up... at least for now.

 Cheryl, who is also a chapter leader of Moms Run this Town for Marietta hosted and planned a Surprise Baby Shower in my home!! I still don't know how she kept it a secret from me! I was so suprised when I came into my house and saw my weekly running partners in normal clothing!! It was so much fun and the group truely blessed me with lots of baby stuff!!!

MRTT Baby Shower

I love these ladies!!

When I found out I was pregnant in April, I knew that I was gonna continue to run, there were days where I let fear take over but I would always snap out of it.  To help keep myself accountable, I decided to make a list of races I wanted to sign up for.  After running the Alien Half marathon in August and feeling great, I decided that another half marathon would be in my pregnant running plan IF my body agreed.  So I had 2 marathons that I was looking at in October, one was the Allstate 13.1, which was my first ever half marathon that I ran last year or the Silver Comet Half, which was super flat.  I waited to sign up for a race and I'm glad I did because I had friend ask me if I wanted to run the Allstate for her.  I was so thrilled, of course I accepted.  It almost feels like a full circle.  When I started running, it was to loose weight and stop smoking but it also helped with healing of the loss of my twins, healing of depression and everything that went with that.  My goal was the Allstate last year and when I crossed that finish line, it was the most amazing feeling in the world.  And here I am 31 weeks PREGNANT with a strong healthy baby in my belly about to run that same race with NO FEAR! 
Moms Run this Town (local chapters) before the race

Cheryl and I, she is my sole sister <3

  I knew that it was this race was not gonna be easy since the route is super hilly and I had been training on flat trails so I took it nice and easy.  Not gonna lie, the hills were not fun, the going up and down were both uncomfortable, but I got through it. I completed the half in 3: 17.31.  Last year I ran that same race in 2:18.09.  Even though it was a slow time, I really enjoyed the race and it just made it so special to be able to run it while pregnant.  The sweetest thing happened to me when I finished the race, a volunteer called me over and got one of the photographers to take a belly pic of me after I received my medal.  Then as I started walking away, the man who gave me my medal ran over to me and gave me ANOTHER medal and said, "It's for your running partner!"  :) I got sooo emotional, I'm sure I cried.  I can't wait to show Faith her medal.
31 weeks pregnant Allstate 13.1

A medal for mommy and a medal for baby Faith! We did it!

I logged in 42 miles for the month of October, after this marathon, I really had to take some time off to recover. This was truely a race to remember!! :)


Halloween 2013:
Cheerleader and Tinkerbell

The Bun Maker and Bun in the Oven! :)

September 2013

Here are some September events and moments I wanted to share, and again (Late post) but I get grace cause I am pregnant!! :)

Gracie, (my oldest daughter) started at half day preschool in September.  She was so ready for school and enjoys every minute of it.  This has given me a couple of hours alone with Hope which is much needed at this point, since Faith will be born in a couple of months.  I was able to borrow a single jogging stroller from a friend and take her on weekly runs with me, which was alot of fun.

My Hope ready to get a run/walk in!

There were days where I could run/walk about 6 miles with her in the jogging stroller and she would sit quietly looking around and also humming and singing to herself. :)


Moms Run this Town of Marietta finally had our first ever Meet and Greet/Moms Night Out.
Cheryl and I got supplies together to make MRTT wine glasses filled with yummy chocolate and I made wine charms to attach to the glasses. We had some giveaways and raffles as well.  Road Runner Sports in Marietta hosted our Meet and Greet and had some yummy snacks and drinks for us as well as great discounts.  We then headed over to Marlow's Tavern for food and drinks.

Cheryl and I (Marietta chapter leaders)
Group PIC!!
Moms Night Out at Marlow's Tavern

On Sept. 11th, I decided I would join the runner community and Run to Remember.  I did run/walk intervals and spent that time reflecting on life and praying for the families that lost loved ones that day. 


Check this out: THRIFT SHOP SCORE!!! My new FAV coffee cup!!! :) I can't tell you how excited I was to find this!!


And of course: Birthdays!! I turned 29 this year and on the same week I turned 29 week pregnant!!

AND My sweet Hope Lenae's 3rd Birthday was on the 29th!! :)

During the month of October, I was able to log in 111 miles!! This was the most logged since April (last month of Full marathon training) so I was pretty proud of myself!!

Alien Half Marathon (August 2013)

It's been a while, but Im pregnant with 2 chuldren under 5 so there is mercy! :)

The last time I wrote I was just getting ready to run the Alien Half Marathon which was on August 17, 2013.  My training had been going well, but the last couple of long runs were very uncomfortable after maybe mile 7-8, even with the maternity support belt that I wore.  It would come to the point where I would have to walk because of pelvic pain.  I still wanted to do the half marathon and was very much looking forward to it as Pam Burrus, the founder of Moms Run this Town, was gonna run it too and she is pregnant too! Her plan was to do run/walk intervals and I decided a couple of days before the race that I would give them a try along with her.  Before that, I had been running through the pain until, well the pain was too much to bear and then I would be forced to walk. I remember talking to my hubby and telling him that I was just gonna take it nice and easy and just enjoy the race.  I carpooled with Cheryl and Allison who I did most of my training with. It was the first evening half I ever did and was so thankful that that evening was nice and cool, last year it was super hot!!

Cheryl, Me and Allison

 We got there pretty early to beat parking problems and check out the booths, the great thing (for me) was that there was REAL bathrooms at the park which was nice.  I can't tell you how many times I visited the restrooms.   I felt great, of course has some race day jitters but felt good.  Moms Run this Town also had a both where we met up for some group photos.

Pam, Me, Cheryl, Allison and Laura

I was really excited to run with Pam for the race and also very interested in the intervals she has talked to me about.

Twinsies!! Pam is due Nov. 4 and I am due Dec. 8th going on 6 months pregnant

The race was great!! I had such a great time, the route was flat and shaded, there was lots of water and a great crowd.  The intervals we did were 1 minute run, 1 minute walk.  It took a while to get used to it, but once I got in a groove, we were chatting and enjoying the race before I knew it we were already half way done!! AND I had no pain like I had been experiencing during my training.  I felt great the whole way through.  I could not stop talking about how great I was feeling during that run.  It made me very excited to know that I could maintain my long runs during this pregnancy (before I had discovered the intervals, I was ready to say goodbye to them.)

We completed the race in 2:42.81.  My goal was to complete it in 3 hours or less.  I was actually pretty happy with my time as the last couple of long runs took longer than that.  I was really amazed at how great my body felt!  

When I finished the race, I was not overly sore or in pain as I had been feeling after my long runs.  I left the race super excited because I had discovered the intervals and that was gonna allow me to continue to run! I really thought that this was gonna be my last 13 miler until baby was born.  This was in August!  I have been able to maintain 25 miles a week with one long run (8-10+ miles) using the 1:1 intervals. My body actuallly recovered really fast after this half marathon.  Pam and I got alot of high 5's and encouragement along the race route.  This was truely a great race, can't wait to do again next year!! 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

After the Marathon...

I've heard of people having a sort of sadness, depression after a really big race.  I can honestly say I felt that.  When I crossed that finish line, it was a big moment for me as I had mentioned in my previous post. It was the moment that God's promise was fulfilled!! It was probably one of the bravest things I have done in my life running 26.2 miles 8 weeks pregnant because I lost my first baby at 8 weeks pregnant and then lost my twins at 9-10 weeks pregnant. Whenever I cried out to God before the race, all I ever heard Him say was be brave. 
When I came home, I was pretty sore for the next week, nothing serious, just normal soreness.  No blisters, or injuries!!! It took a while for me to get back into a running groove again, mostly because I was at battle with my mind.  I was scared to run, I didn't wanna loose this baby. I googled and researched for hours about running while pregnant. Little by little, I started to feel discouraged and depressed, I knew I had to get out of this funk.
 I began to get more involved in the local mom's running group that I lead and started having weekly group runs.  Cheryl, who is co-leader with me began to take me under her wings and get me out there in the mornings to run, which I am so thankful for, I definitely needed that extra push.  Once I got into a good routine, I felt like I was back!! Once I felt better, I realized the best thing for me to do was to sign up for some races to stay accountable.  Here is a list of my races I've ran since pregnant with the ST. Jude RNR Marathon being the first.

2. May 27- Memorial Day 5k
Placed 3rd in our my group with a time of 28:27. 12 weeks prego.

Marietta Moms Run this Town
#3  July 4- Peachtree Roadrace 10k
Completed the 10k in 1:11 at 17 weeks prego
#4 Aug 3- Run for Wounded Heroes 5k
Completed the 5k in 29:57 at 22 weeks prego

Honored to run for Team Sgt. Wade Brigade
 In April, I ran 121 miles, May: 39, June: 65 and July: 80!!! Seeing this number on my training log really gave me a confidence boost.  I have already ran 500 miles this year and if I keep my mileage to 25 a week, I will hit 1000.  So far, so good.

The next race I have on my calender is the Alien Half in August 17th.  I signed up for it a long time ago so that I could continue to do my long runs during the weekend.  This is what I have planned to wear.

Future Races:
Sept: Hot Lips Hustle
Oct. Silver Comet Half Marathon

Not only was God fulfilling a promise that He gave me a year before but He was also restoring my faith, and showing me that even though this pregnancy was a big surprise, it was supposed to happen this way. That way I would not only grow in faith of God's promises but also run through fear of pregnancy, fear of miscarriage, fear that my body will never be able to carry another child again.  ALL that for me!!

AND I didn't have to stop doing what I absolutely LOVE!! Running is my time with God, my therapy, where I find peace.  I am so thankful that I have been given the opportunity to run while pregnant.  It has been an amazing experience. 

Me and baby Faith are doing great! She is pretty active though, I wonder why... :)

What's BEEN Going ON!!!

It has been a long while since I have wrote, my apologies, but I have a very good reason!! Let me explain!!
I completed my marathon in April 2013.  I ran the St. Jude Country Music Marathon in Nashville, TN.  It was the most amazing experience of my life!! It rained (POURED) the whole time and I loved every painful minute of it... why you ask?  Because I didn't run it alone!!!!!!

I ran my very first marathon that I have been dreaming of since high school, trained my butt off all through winter with a little bun in the oven!! YUP that's right, 2 week before the marathon, I started feeling SUPER tired... but I didn't think anything of it since I had been running ALOT.  I also missed my period, so I went and got a pregnancy test and lo and behold POSITIVE!! I went to the Dr. and it was confirmed that I was indeed prego!! My next question to the Dr. was of course, can I still run this marathon, and without hesitation the answer was yes.  But in my heart, I have to confess, I was so scared.  Having had multiple miscarriages made me feel like I needed to stop everything I was doing and just sit on my couch until the baby was born.  I had a really hard time.  But after praying and talking to my husband and friends, I went for it!! I remember while running the last training run before the marathon, I always pray and talk to God and all I could hear Him say was to Be Brave.  So I did it, I was brave and I ran that marathon in the pouring rain 8 weeks pregnant!! :) Here are a couple of pics

The day before the race, I was able to find a "Running for Two" tank from One More Mile, the back says "You've just been passed by a pregnant lady!"  I got alot of compliments about it during the race!!! 
This was right at the end of the marathon
It took all the energy that I had to hold up that medal!!
 I finished the marathon in 5:45.02, It was not what I had hoped for in time but for me, just finding the strength to run the marathon is so much bigger!! I felt like I broke through walls in my heart and in my mind.  I didn't let fear overcome my thoughts, instead I believed in the promise that God  gave me a year ago and I ran that marathon in faith that it would be completed with no harm to myself or the baby!!!

I cried at the end, I was so tired, I definitely hit the "wall" I could barely walk to the car and when I sat down, I had to move my legs into the car with my hands.  I showered, ate and slept for a long time in the hotel while my husband took my girls out for a while.  I woke up still sore but with such joy in my heart!! I DID IT!!

With that said, I am now 22 weeks pregnant, running strong with a baby girl (FAITH) in my belly.  We are currently training for a half marathon in a couple of weeks. All is well and this pregnancy has been amazing!!

More to come!! :) I've got lots to tell about running while pregnant!!